


A Study in Hardship

by Hirosikata



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Miscommunication, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-13 08:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18028370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hirosikata/pseuds/Hirosikata
Summary: Diego hated her.She was certain of this, just as she was certain of the blood flowing through her veins and that she was absolutely ordinary.Hurt defined their relationship to each other for as long as Vanya could remember. But could it be possible she had missed something in her childhood observations of Number Two? A look at the relationship between Diego and Vanya in season 1.





	1. Children Behave

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic in a long time. I'm a bit unsure of the piece overall, since I've never built a fic of existing scenes in canon, but that's what I'm doing here. I'm not going to type out everything that people said in the show since it can be watched, but some lines will be used to anchor this firmly in season 1. Based this off learning that in the comics, Diego was secretly in love with Vanya, which they completely cut out of the show (I'm guessing because two sets of siblings falling in love was just one step too far for Netflix and they wanted to focus on other parts of these two characters).

Here’s the thing: Vanya never felt close to most of her siblings.

If the end of the world was anything to go by, that was obvious. Her feelings of inadequacy and the pressure of being obscenely ordinary haunted her through her childhood and into her adult life until the final _snap_.

Growing up, Luther split his focus between the need to be numero uno in every way possible and his barely-concealed love for Allison. Allison occupied herself with loving Luther and a desire to use her abilities to be more than a childhood superhero. Klaus hid himself in a cloud of self-depreciating humor whilst sneaking into the liquor cabinet as often as possible. Ben, while he loved her, he never went out of his way to get to know her. Five, really, was not just her brother, but her friend.

And Diego…

Vanya studied his languid, cat-like form posted up in a chair. Light streamed from the window behind him. Someone who didn’t know him would have called him relaxed. Vanya spent her entire life cataloguing Diego’s mannerism and could see the spring in him ready to snap. One hand toyed absently with a blade as he looked out the window. Just as handsome as he was as a child, though with a few more scars to his name.

No one ever met her gaze. It made it easier to watch them.

Diego would never condescend to meet her gaze. Diego hated her.

She was certain of this, just as she was certain of the blood flowing through her veins and that she was absolutely ordinary. She was certain of it in a way that shaped every interaction she had with him.

She watched him look over each member of the family, but his eyes never came to rest on her, even for a moment.

Something Luther said caught her attention. “I thought they said it was a heart attack,” she said.

“Yeah, according to the coroner,” Luther said. Vanya read beneath the lines. The coroner, according to Luther, was wrong.

His siblings stared at him in disbelief.

Diego stood up and advanced towards Luther, “He was a paranoid, bitter old man. He lost his marbles.”

Klaus took another drag of smoke and sip of whiskey as Luther told him he wanted him to communicate with their dad. A dad, it seemed, only Luther wanted to speak to.

“I’m not in the right frame of mind,” Klaus said with a giggle and flourish. High as a kite. 

“Sober up,” Luther said, “Then there’s the issue of the missing monocle.”

Diego winced and looked down. Then for a split second, he looked at her. Really looked at her, with pain and mistrust and… something else, something closer to betrayal. Vanya looked back at Luther, but could feel his eyes still piercing a hole into her skin.

Luther accused them of murdering their father.

Diego raged at him. Klaus guffawed at the accusation. Vanya shook her head in disgust. One by one, they left the room. Diego lingered in the foyer, while Klaus tumbled down to the kitchen, muttering under his breath how no one could even be safe from crazy accusation among their own family.

Vanya hesitated in the hallway, hands wandering up and down the bannister, before she said, “How could he think we murdered our father?”

 Silence seeped between them.

 Diego flipped a knife through the air, caught it, then weaved it through his fingers. “How could someone write a tell-all book about their own family? I see little room for you to be jury and judge here.”

 “Sounds like you’re defending Luther,” Vanya said in surprise.

 Diego tore his attention from his knife. “I’d rather defend him than agree with you,” he said finally. “Even if he is an idiot.”

 Vanya felt stung.

 “I’m not going to apologize,” she told him.

 Whatever reply Diego would have made was lost as Luther stormed out of the den after Allison.

 When the disappeared up the staircase, he took a step forward, then seemed to rethink his decision, and stepped back. “You could have just told us how you felt. Instead of the whole damn world."

 “I couldn’t.”

 His lip curled into a snarl. “You don’t belong here. You never did.”

 “He was my father, too, Diego,” Vanya said with no real enthusiasm.

 “Hardly,” he muttered as he went back into the den.

 Before he turned to drugs, Klaus actually had interesting insights into the human psyche. He once confessed to her that he thought Diego used cruel words as a way to protect his heart. He thought her sad, broken eyes just begged for protection, but in their line of duty, it made her a hinderance to their team. Vanya felt more certain that Diego hated to see weakness, both in himself and others, and sought to eradicate it.

 She was broken from her thoughts by the beat of a song thumping down the hall.

  _“Children behave…”_

 Sixteen-year-old Luther blasted the music as Allison danced around the hallway between their bedrooms. Vanya put down her violin and allowed her head to bob to the music. Slowly, the beat overtook her. She flipped one arm up, then others, her legs shuffled to the bass as she let go of herself and just felt the music she so loved.

 In her imagination, she was in a club somewhere in New York. People surrounded her, all moving to the same beat, but no one moved as well as her. People glanced at her, but none dared dance with her.

 A laugh made her eyes crack open.

 Diego leaned against her door, arms crossed over his chest. Her heart thumped against her will. If Diego ever asked her to dance in a club… well, she wouldn’t say no, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to find her voice to say yes. He was a different sort of handsome than Luther. All dark eyes and hair and heated debates and internal warfare. His attention was on Allison twirling back towards them as though she were the pop star of a music video.

 Vanya’s hands stuttered to a halt above her head.

 “Don’t stop on my account.”

 Diego now faced her, eyes moving from her collapsing arms to her feet. A smirk lit the corner of his mouth.

 Vanya clasped her hands in front of her. “Don’t make fun of me.”

 Something about the way he watched her made her feel like he could see what she was thinking just moments before. She tucked an errant piece of hair behind her ear.

 “Learn to dance better.”

 She glared at him from under her bangs. “Like you could do better.”

 Allison twirled past, waving her boa at them. “Come on. Dance,” she said to Diego. “You know we don’t have much free time left.”

 She didn’t spare a glance towards Vanya.

 Diego threw her an uninterpretable look before sliding out into the hallway. Vanya took up his perch in her doorway. Ben wiggled around in a circle at the end of the hall. Klaus waltzed with a broom. Luther was nowhere to be seen, but she could hear his feet shuffling to the beat.

 Diego stopped in the middle of the hallway with arms poised halfway in the air. He moved his fingers jerkily and a bubble of laughter escaped her. This was dancing better than her? But her laughter died on her lips as the jerky movements turned into a wave that overtook his hands, his arms, his body. He dipped low, spun, and ran in place. For a moment, the constant rage slipped from his face.

 But then the music stopped and broke whatever trance he was in. Diego shook his head as Allison hit him with her boat before shimmying to her room. The others meandered away.

 And Diego was there, leaning on the wall next to her. His woodsy scent filled her nose and she craned her neck to look at him.

 “I can dance,” he said.

 Vanya couldn’t help the quirk of her lips. “Looks like you’ve been practicing.”

 For a moment, hardly even a second, she thought she saw his eyes flicker down her face with heat, but he turned away too fast for her to be sure.

 “Whatever,” he called over his shoulder.

 Vanya watched him go, wondering about the red creeping up the back of his neck.

  _“I think we’re alone now.”_

 The click of the door to the den closing broke her from her revere. Vanya continued to dance and pushed aside thoughts of the hatred in Diego’s eyes and that slow creep of red going up his neck. She was nothing. Just ordinary. Best not to think other people thought of her as anything.


	2. That's What They Say When We're Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This particular chapter is still set in Episode 1, just after they have the memorial service for Hargreeves.

_“You got enough material for your sequel yet?”_

Vanya stormed through the house. Diego’s words taunted her at every step.

_“You got enough material for your sequel yet?”_

“Probably!” she yelled at the imaginary man in her head as she slammed her door shut and threw herself on her bed.

Allison’s look of barely concealed disappointment in her, Luther’s stiffness, Klaus’ drug-induced joviality. Diego and his cutting words. None of them would ever leave her alone. All she wanted was a moment of respite.

When she wrote the book, it was a moment of cathartic release for her. All the loneliness, all the pain, all the years of pent up rage at her father just… disappeared. She thought airing out all the skeletons in their closets would lift this divide that stood between them. She thought it would be the stitches to begin the healing process between them. Instead, it made her an outsider in her own family.

_You don’t have a family_ , her mind whispered.

_Tap, rat-a-tap, tap, tap_ came from her door.

“Come in,” she said.

The door creaked open.

“Heard what Two said,” Five said as he entered the room. He perched himself on the end of her bed and patted her foot with his hand. “He always did have quite the way with words.”

Vanya pursed her lips.

“Can imagine he was angry to discover the same thing about you after that book.”

Vanya sighed. “If you’re just going to make me feel—”

Five smiled, “I wasn’t lying when I called you ballsy for writing it. Probably puts you on a certain level of badass that you were willing to risk the wrath of four super humans.”

Vanya slowly dragged herself into sitting position and cradled her legs in her arms. “I was lonely without you, Five.”

“Come on, now,” he said. An impish grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. “You’ve been out in the world. Seeing the sights. You can’t have spent that much time thinking of me.”

She gave him a warning look. 

Five sighed. “I missed you, too, Vanya. There are… some things I’d like to discuss with you soon. About the future. I need an astute mind to pitch ideas at. Like when we were kids.”

“You are still a kid,” Vanya said.

“This body does not mean that I am in any way disposed to actually _be_ a child, Vanya.”

She poked him. “Well, you do _sound_ like an old man instead of a thirteen year old.”

Five dodged out of the trajectory of her jabs. “I am an old man. Although I prefer to be referred to as mature and worldly. At a later date, I’d love to hear about your ex-boyfriends and life, just like old times. But, I’ve got some things that need to be taken care of. Immediately.”

“You must be suffering from old age memory loss. I don’t ever remember _having_ boyfriends when we were thirteen. Or after,” Vanya snorted. “You literally just got back from the future. What could you possibly have to do?”

“Well, I met someone when I was in the future. Someone I’d like you to meet. Dolores. I take it that Two is still terrorizing all the boys that dare glance in your direction?” Five phased himself to the door. “And I’ve been gone for decades. I have a lot to catch up on.”

"I'd love to meet her," Vanya said as she threw a pillow at him. Then pouted a bit when she realized she was now uncomfortable. It was her only pillow in this bare room.

He caught it, threw it back, phased next to her, and volleyed it at her face.

“Five!” came her muffled shout. She threw the piece of fluff off her.

“So much for being mature,” Five muttered. He walked towards the door.

“Hey,” Vanya said as his hand grazed the door handle, “What did you mean by Diego chasing away boys? There were never any boys interested in me when we were growing up.”

Allison got all the fan mail from boys. Vanya got, _“Oh, you’re uh, Number Three’s sister, right?”_

“That’s because Two took his mission very seriously,” Five said with a quip of his lips. “I’ll come to see you later. At your apartment, though, not this dump we called a home.”

With that, he was gone.

Vanya sunk back on her bed, shoving the pillow underneath her head as she went. Her mind shuffled through memories growing up, anywhere there might have been a chance of a boy coming around.

 Her eyes grew weary as the rain pattered on the window. She flipped towards the wall and ran her fingers over it in no particular fashion, allowing her mind to wander.

 “All I want,” fifteen year old Allison said, “is to be able to do normal teenage things once in a while. Drink a milkshake. Go to the park. Prank someone. Go on a date.”

 “You beat up crooks and nefarious people almost on the daily,” Vanya said. “I don’t think you need to add pranking people to the list. You’d probably end up killing them by accident.”

 Allison fixed her with a look.

 “Never mind.”

 Vanya turned back to her sandwich and took a big bite. A glop of mayo dripped onto her shirt and she wiped it up with her finger and licked it clean.

 “That’s disgusting,” Allison said. “Use a napkin.”

 “Well,” Vanya said, ignoring her. “You kind of got what you wanted. We are outside in the real world right now.”

 “For training,” Allison said with a sigh. “It’s not the same thing. You’re lucky to even be here.”

 She shrugged and took another bite of her sandwich.

 Somehow, it had come up in discussions between Pogo and dad that all the children lacked real world experience. Somehow, Vanya didn’t think Pogo meant the kids should be given a mission to try to act like “real teenagers.” But, that’s the mission that dad gave them. Somehow, he glossed over the fact that they were _real_ teenagers.

Vanya asked to go with the rest of the team. By sheer luck and mercy, he let her go. “I guess, Number Seven, that you are ordinary. It would be fitting for you to experience the world you’re destined for.”

And so, he sent them off to an amusement park.

Well, Vanya didn’t feel particularly amused. One of the corkscrew rollercoasters made _Ben_ sick. Kid had otherworldly beings explode from his stomach to rip people to bloody goo, but a rollercoaster did him in. Klaus spent a not insignificant amount of time talking to one of the ride attendants. Vanya pretended she didn’t see them act out smoking _not cigarettes_ with grins and disappear some time ago.

She wondered if she would have had more fun if she had never been bought from her mother and brought to the dumb Umbrella Academy.

“There’s Luther!” Allison shouted with a smile. “Have fun eating that disgusting sandwich. Bye!”

Vanya watched with a mouth half-opened and fully filled with food as Allison bounded away towards their very blonde brother. She filed away how they smiled at each other, the way they clasped hands for later. Observations she would never reveal to dad.

Her surprise quickly peeled into exasperation. Great. Now she was stuck in an amusement park with nobody to hang out with. She wondered where Five was. Probably on a tropical island somewhere, living it up. She ripped off another bite of sandwich between her teeth.

“Hey!”

A boy her age stood to her side. Brown hair hung in his eyes and he sported an awful cut-off shirt and baseball shorts. He looked like he worked out, but not like her boys did. His muscles seemed meant for show rather than use.

“Hi,” Vanya said dully.

“I couldn’t help but notice your friend run off.”

“My sister,” Vanya clarified.

“W-what?”

“She’s my sister, not my friend.”

“Oh,” the boy looked around. “Adopted?”

“Something like that.”

“Uh, well, I mean, uh,” The boy shifted foot to foot. “Have you been on the love boat ride?”

“No,” Vanya finished the last bite of her sandwich and leaned back against the park bench. “Why?”

“Well, I think you are really pr—”

She felt rather than saw the presence sit next to her and slide an arm on the bench behind her. The poor kid looked shell-shocked.

“You’re back,” Vanya said dully as she turned to face Diego. She couldn’t figure out why he was sitting so uncomfortably close to her. It was blazing hot outside. He lifted up her soda and slurped from the straw, all the while keeping his eyes perfectly trained on the guy still standing in front of them.

“D-d-do you need something?” Diego asked him. Vanya wasn’t sure if she dared think it, but Diego sounded downright menacing. Even with the stutter. Vanya wasn’t sure if she were disturbed by this whole interaction or if she thought it was oddly… adorable.

Not, like, a puppy adorable. More like, a baby crocodile or dinosaur. Something you knew could also rip off your finger while looking cute.

“I was just…” The boy seemed to be rolling an answer over in his mind, glancing between Vanya and Diego and the arm so close to being loped around her shoulders. He held his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you had a… boyfriend.”

“Huh?” Vanya said dumbly. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

But the kid was already gone, disappearing into the crowds.

Vanya turned to Diego. He faced forward, carefully not looking at her. “Why would he think you’re my boyfriend?”

Diego shrugged.

“Why did he care if I had a boyfriend?”

Diego shrugged again and took another sip of her drink.

Vanya sighed, realizing she would get no answers out of him. She tried to snatch her drink away, but he swiped it out of her reach.

Vanya sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. If this was what ordinary felt like, she didn’t like it at all.


	3. And Watch How You Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot of direct interaction between them in this chapter! But, I'm trying to get into the mindset in this story while keeping in mind the characters on the show. This chapter occurs after Leonard's first lesson with Vanya and Allison's blow up at her. Enjoy!

Leonard’s innocent face kept popping into her head. Like a movie she was forced to rewatch, she kept seeing the light dimming from his eyes at her start of a rejection of visiting his shop. Him beating her to the punch. His tight, disappointed smile.

He still said he’d see her next week. But part of her thought he would cancel. She did… she did reject him right? Or maybe she was going crazy. Maybe he just wanted a friend, and she mistook that for an interest in her.

_“You’ve never even been in a relationship,”_ came Allison’s snap.

_“That’s not true.”_

Vanya groaned at her childish response. Weak—weak because Allison’s accusation was not without a glimmer of truth. It was just that her relationships… well, they were mainly comprised of Luther, Allison. Five, Pogo, Reginald, Klaus, Ben… even Diego. So, basically not _romantic_ relationships.

The truth was, boys were hard to come by while she was at the academy. A mix of never meeting new people and Luther standing menacingly over any boys who did get close to her… or Diego walking by casually flipping a knife tended to put a damper on her love life.

Then, when she left, she felt… lost. She joined a music academy, then the orchestra. Making friends was difficult. After all, she grew up with only her siblings, a robot, a chimp, and basically an absentee dad for company. Building relationships wasn’t her thing.

“It’s not like I never dated,” Vanya assured herself.

She went on _a_ date that guy who smelled like cheese and then had the nerve to grope her ass after sitting silently in a restaurant for an hour. And of course, there was the guy who spent the entire time talking about his ex. Then _called_ his ex during their date. The sad part about that one was she had been ridiculously attracted to his blonde, shaggy hair.

There was also the guy who made his roommate cook her ramen as he watched a pervy anime. Then, proceeded to get very, very high.

She hadn’t even been kissed until she was twenty-two, and that experience… well, she wanted to keep it locked down deep in her soul never to see the light of day. After that, she stopped even caring about dating for years.

Seeing Allison reminded her that life kept moving on. Now, people were getting married and having babies. What was she waiting for? Perhaps she knew the answer, but would never admit it.

Didn’t help she couldn’t remember the last time a guy was interested in her. And here was Leonard, perfectly nice, adequate, asking her to stop by his shop sometime. Sure, he didn’t seem to have any scars. And he probably wouldn’t know how to wield a knife, anyway. And, he certainly didn’t seem to hate her. But since when were these her standards?

She was a normal, ordinary, un-special person. Leonard was like her male counterpart. They could… they could work.

“Okay, Leonard,” Vanya said to herself as she got off the couch and put on her jacket for rehearsal. “I’ll give you a shot.”

“I want a shot at it,” thirteen-year-old Vanya said.

“Uh, n-n-not on your life,” Diego said.

Ever dutiful, she sat outside in the yard tallying hits on a paper as he flicked knives into a moving, wooden carving board. She calculated he was working with 79% accuracy when it came to curving his throws. Every one landed on a target, but not all were dead center. Dad threatened him with no more missions if he didn’t perfect his craft. Diego was nothing if not a perfectionist.

Vanya groaned. “Come on, just once.”

“You don’t even like kniv-v-ves. Every time Klaus cuts a piece of fruit, you dod-d-d-dge under the table.”

“That’s because of the _way_ he cuts. He holds a knife with two fingers and swings like he’s tenderizing meat. It could go flying at any point.”

He threw another one and it missed. This time by a long shot. “Oh, dad’s not going to like that.”

“St-t-t-op distracting me, Vanya. This is serious.”

“It’s always serious and I never get to play.”

At thirteen, Diego was still shorter than Vanya, but when he turned to face her, he seemed to tower above her. “Have you ever considered-d-d-d that maybe it’s _because_ you consider this p-p-p-p-playing?”

“Whatever,” Vanya mumbled. He threw another knife as the contraption swung to the left. Bulls-eye. “Y’know, Five once tried to spacial jump with me.”

The next knife faltered and hit the tree behind the contraption. “He did what?”

Inwardly, Vanya smiled. On the outside, she wore her most serious expression. Diego dropped his knives on the ground, all pretense in being interested in practice gone. “Really. He did! He couldn’t do it, though, of course. And it got really uncomfortable at one point. Kind of… hot?” Her cheeks flared up, “I mean… I mean, like temperature wise!”

Diego quirked an eyebrow. “Good to know. I guess.”

She clasped her hands together and drew them towards her mouth. “Please, Diego!”

He sighed and shook his head. “Fine! Come here.”

He shuffled a bit away and Vanya took his position.

“You have horrible posture,” he told her. “Move your arm… here, like this,” he said as he took her arm and guided it to where it should be. “And… widen your legs. No! Th-th-that’s too wide! We’re not doing the splits here! Why am I even trying?” Using two hands he adjusted her legs to where they should be.

After he felt satisfied, he took a step back and circled around her, eyeing her form. “Okay, you’re ready to fling.”

“I just throw it?”

“You certainly don’t eat it.”

Vanya shot him a look and he grinned.

“Okay, here I go.”

She flung the knife. It didn’t even make it halfway to the target.

Diego burst out laughing. “That was pathetic-c-c-c.”

“I’m going to try again,” Vanya declared, ignoring his raucous laughter.

“Wait!” He came again, moving her legs and arm in position. But, he didn’t immediately back away. Instead, he picked up a knife and positioned it in her hand. “I’m going to show you how you should be throwing,” he said into her ear.

Heat rose to her cheeks, but she willed the color to back down. “Are you sure you can see the target? I am so much taller than you.”

He ground one foot into hers. “Owww!”

“Don’t make fun of your teacher. I don’t need to see. That’s the point of all this practicing.”

Vanya took a deep breath as he brought their arms with knives back. “Hold your hand over mine. Do you feel how tightly I’m holding it?”

She nodded. She wondered if her hand should have a tremor running through it like his did.

“Okay, keep holding, but not so tight! How am I ever supposed to let go of the knife!”

“You didn’t specify!” she said hotly as she loosened her grip.

He flung their arms together so quickly she felt whiplash in her shoulder. It went straight into the bullseye. “Wow, I just did that,” Vanya said.

“Hat-t-t-e to break-k it to you, but _I_ did that.”

“My hand was on top. I think that means I’m the one who threw it.”

Diego just rolled his eyes at her. “Try it by yourself again, then. Let’s see how well you throw it without me.”

“Okay!” Vanya said. She grabbed a knife from the ground and stood up, back into the position Diego placed her in before.

She gripped the hilt of the knife tightly and took two practice swings. Like golfing. Or from what she had heard about golfing.

“Get on with it!” Diego yelled. “I’ve got other things to do.”

She didn’t dignify him with a response. She brought her arm back and flung. The knife soared through the air, hit the metal stem of the swinging apparatus and jettisoned back towards her.

“Vanya!”

She tried to dodge, but the blade still sliced through her bicep.

“Owww,” she cried, hand immediately going to the wound. Blood coated her hand.

Diego dropped down next to her. She never even realized she fell. He peeled the sleeve of her coat away from the cut and sucked in. “It looks deep. Let’s get you to mom.”

Tears streamed down her face. “It hurts,” she said as he helped her standup. “I’m so sorry, Diego. I’m sorry.”

Dad would kill him. He just would. He always said never to let Vanya participate.

“I know, I know.” Diego said as he guided her through the hallway towards mom. “Don’t worry. Mom will help. We’re almost there. Mom! Mom!”

Vanya remembered that when she was getting stitched up, Reginald entered the room with a face of stone. “Diego!” He had shouted, “Follow me!”

They disappeared for quite some time. Vanya waited in Diego’s room for him. When he finally got back, he didn’t look her in the face. “I’m tired.”

“Oh… okay. Can I get you anything?”

He shook his head, still not meeting her gaze.

“Diego, I’ll never ask you to do that again,” she said as she headed to the door. “I’m so sorry.”

He crawled into his bed and pulled his covers over his face. “It’s fine, Vanya. Get out.”

That moment, Vanya always thought, haunted their childhood. She shook her head. There was no use thinking about things that happened seventeen years before. She needed to be thinking of the future. Her future. For a moment, she smiled. It was way too early yet. Leonard could have a collection of Russian dolls or eat lizards. But, for the first time in a long time, she realized that she wouldn’t mind having someone else in her future.


	4. And So We're Running Just As Fast As We Can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the most part, I won't do any of the present-time parts in this story from Diego's POV (although at one point this chapter does slip into it). His memories will show up in flashbacks though! I think it's a bit more fun to try to figure out what he's thinking from how he interacts with other characters in the here and now. This is one that's meddlesome Allison's view on Diego. Takes Place during Episode 2, right after the attack.

“That was unaccountably rude. But nice save,” Allison said as she walked back into the room where Diego stared out over his clasped hands pensively.

Her brother never did learn how to brood casually. His eyebrows furled in an internal war.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind. So just spit out whatever you’re hinting at.”

“ _You could have been killed!_ ” Allison parroted. She paused, “ _Or gotten any of us killed._ ”

“I’m not wrong. Luther almost—”

“Luther had a chandelier dropped on him and walked away with nothing more than his pride in tatters. I almost got pulverized by a crazy kung fu secret agent in the kitchen. You nearly got kicked to death.”

“Hey!”

“But I didn’t hear you verbally flinging me out of danger, ‘Allison, you could get killed. Get out of here.’ No, at one point, you basically threw danger _at_ me.”

“Say what you mean,” Diego said. All the tension that strung through his shoulders seemed to leave his body and he melted into the couch.

“You need to stop being so rude to our sister.”

“Your sister,” Diego corrected before he could stop himself. Allison fixed him with an assessing look. He squirmed. “Are you trying to tell me that you aren’t angry about the book?”

“If we’re going to talk about the book, I could use a drink,” Allison said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Her neck screamed under the pressure of the movement. That woman really got her good. She was just glad she didn’t have to fight that tank of a man. “You want one?”

“Sure,” Diego said. He stood up and groaned. “Man, can you believe what they did to our couch?”

Allison eyed the shot up upholstery. Fluff oozed out of the holes like an open wound. At least the bar didn’t get damaged she thought as she ducked behind the counter. “Pogo is going to have fun fixing it, that’s for sure.”

Diego took a seat on a stool opposite her and watched as she found two pristine tumblers. “Want to hear a secret?” she asked as she searched the cupboards for a mixer or chaser. None. “When we were younger, I used to sneak down here after missions. I’d pour myself a shot of whatever bottle was open. Don’t think dad ever found out.”

“Yeah? I would cut out pages of books in the library. Randomly. Page 157 in an anatomy textbook. 302 in Lord of the Rings,” Diego said as he drummed his fingers along the counter.

“Pick your poison. Something you like to drink straight.”

“Whatever you’re having is fine. Haven’t had anything to drink in… in a while.”

Allison lifted an eyebrow at that. “Scotch, then.”

She went for a bottle ofReginald’s prized 18-year oak barrel aged scotch, but watched Diego’s reaction from her peripheral. He froze.

“What’s wrong?”

He blinked, shook his head a little and frowned. “Nothing. Just haven’t had scotch in years.”

“Really?” Allison said and slid his glass over to him. He caught it with ease. “It was always Vanya’s drink of choice.”

He made a murmur of ascent and took a sip. “Don’t know how she drinks ‘em. So now you’re drinking Vanya’s favorite?”

Allison sighed. “Call it a weird way to apologize to her. We got into a bit of an argument the other day. I was in a rage. Just got in a fight with Patrick. Then Vanya came and it was like rubbing salt in the wound. I said some things to her I shouldn’t have and it made me think… that maybe her book did have a point.”

“And what was the point?” Diego asked darkly.

“That we really did treat her like crap, always expected her to be the one to try with us while we never tried with her. Then blamed her when she stopped trying. Think about it. She was the first to leave. Reginald never forbid us to speak to her. But did you ever call her? The only time I talked to her was when we did family get togethers outside of the academy.”

Diego shook his head. He remembered being seventeen and so angry at her. At that time, he didn’t want her to ever leave the house. Thought it was the safest place for her. He also thought… he shook himself from his thoughts.

“I didn’t either. I felt abandoned… but then she probably felt like we abandoned her way earlier. We never included her in anything.”

“Didn’t help we got in trouble when we tried,” Diego said.

Allison nodded and leaned her elbows against the counter. “A lot of the stuff she said about me was true. I was selfish and self-centered. I loved being the center of attention. I loved that, to the eyes of the paparazzi, I was the only sister. And as abusive as Reginald was, I was desperate for his approval. I would have done anything for it. I thought he was ten steps above God.”

“Some of the stories she told weren’t you,” Diego said.

“Yes, they were,” Allison said. “They were all the me I was to her. Not the me I was to the rest of you. When I got to thinking about it, I was so angry because she wrote all this terrible stuff about me… and it was true. I didn’t like feeling so exposed. So now the question is, why are your panties in such a twist over this thing?

Diego sighed. “Probably similar to the same reason you were. She said a lot of true things about me that I didn’t want to admit to. I’m still angry about it.”

“What was the worst for you?” Allison asked. Her fingers danced around the bottle of scotch before she made the final decision to pour them another glass.

Diego stared at the liquid sloshing around the tumbler as though afraid to meet her gaze as he said, “When she said that I was always striving to be something I would never be—number one and that it ate at me inside.”

Allison smiled, “Well, Number One is—”

“It wasn’t a capitalized number one. It wasn’t a reference to Luther. It was about wanting to be the best and she told the world I never would be.”

“Oh, Diego—”

“My girlfriend—sorry, my ex-girlfriend, Eudora read the book when we were dating. Said that it wasn’t true. Then I failed out of police academy while she finished. I didn’t care about that, but it felt like… like another way that I would never be number one.” He smiled into his glass. “You ever think that Vanya’s power was to expose every fear you’ve ever had to the whole world?”

“No,” Allison said. She silently contemplated her next words. “Do you think Vanya always thought of you like that?”

Diego shrugged. “Never thought she had the highest opinion of me. Not when we had Five’s picture hanging above the mantle.” He shoved a thumb at the portrait.

“So tell me about Eudora.” Allison felt her knees getting numb from all the standing. An awareness of just how out of shape she was fell over her. Back in her prime, she would have done backflips around that ninja lady. She slid into a stool beside Diego. He poured more liquid courage into her glass. Funny how she needed it to spill secrets with her brother. They were so out of touch during their youth.

“Eudora’s… Eudora’s something else,” Diego said. A smile lit his face up and he laughed. “Met her the first day of police academy. I made some sexist remark and she punched me in the face. Reformed my way of thinking real quick. Far more by the book than I am. Driven to succeed. Incredibly smart and energetic. A real go-getter. She could be downright charismatic when questioning people on a case. Confident. Beautiful.”

“Sounds like you’re still in love with her,” Allison said. A little piece of her heart went out to her sister in that moment.

“Here’s the thing… God, I’m not drunk enough to be talking about my love life with my sister,” Diego said as he poured more scotch into his glass and downed it in one fluid motion. Then poured another. “I love Eudora. I do. She’s amazing. She’s my best friend. I could talk to her about anything.”

“Your just not in love with her,” Allison said.

Diego nodded. “We were on and off again for, like, three years. Lots of things were great, but I…I always thought… never mind, y’know what, this is stupid.”

“You can’t stop thinking about someone else?”

Diego laughed into his glass and didn’t look at her. “Her complete opposite, really.”

Allison waited for him to go on, finally confess to the feelings she knew he held for her darling sister. He stayed silent. Allison sighed internally.

She wiggled her glass in front of his face. He refilled it. She said, “So anyway, the last time I saw someone in this family drink scotch was eight years ago. Not counting Klaus. I never know what he’s drinking.”

“One of these days, it might be the kool aid,” Diego quipped.

Allison shoved him in the shoulder. “I’m the obvious person to talk to about your particular brand of woman troubles. So just spit it out.”

Diego pulled a face at her, “Because?”

She gave him a meaningful look that seemed to sail over his head. The hard way it is, she thought. “Y’know, for all your macho-ness, I think I missed you the most out of all my siblings.”

“I’m sure Luther would just be ecstatic to hear that.”

“And here's what I meant by the fact I'm the obvious person to talk to: I wouldn’t exactly lump Luther in with the sibling category,” she confessed. “So tell me about the last time you drank scotch—”  
“You are really obsessed with talking about this alcohol. There are groups geared towards this, you know.”

“I think it was the night of the memorial service.”

The joviality in Diego’s face melted off and he looked away.

“The one for Ben.”

“Allison…” Diego said, warning hanging in his voice.

“And I was on the way to the bathroom. And lo, to my surprise, I look to a room to the left and see you.” Diego looked like he was waiting for a bomb to fall out of the sky and blow them both to bits. Or for the assassins to come back and behead him. Just to put him out of his misery. “But, all I could see was your back and you weren’t alone. There were a pair of legs wrapped around you. And… I’ll confess as your sibling, I was quite disturbed by all of this. Imagine running into Klaus basically going at it with someone in public.”

“You’re comparing me to Klaus? Really? And I was fully clothed so going at it doesn't really fit the description,” Diego downed his entire drink in a shot. Allison poured him another.

She waved him off. “Heavy making out. Whatever. But, I thought, who did he meet in the twenty minutes since he left the table? And where did Vanya go? And why do that girl’s shoes look _so_ familiar?”

He downed the next drink and slammed it on the counter. “I get what you're trying to get me to admit to. Really, I do. I’ll just tell you this: she didn’t want me. It was all a mistake. My mistake. Happy? Can we leave it at that?”

Allison gaped at him. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously.”

Allison took a sip of her drink and frowned. “Hearts are fickle above anything else.”

“You’re telling me.”

When Diego was sixteen he came up with a plan, one he would never tell Allison or anybody else about ever. He secreted away wads of cash from his dad. There was a hidden map of all the places he wanted to go. One of her hair ribbons. A note she wrote him years before, after the incident with the knives. A book of romantic poetry Allison once mentioned _she_ liked. Ben gave him a secret brochure for a police academy that he highlighted the application dates for. He kept it all in a box under his bed and waited.

When Diego turned seventeen, he decided it was time. Time to lay it all on the line. “You can do this,” he pep-talked to himself in the hallway. He looked at the lone closed door that mattered to him.

He scurried back to his room. “I can’t do this,” he said as he paced the floor, holding his head. “I need to get swollen first.”

He dropped to the floor and did fifty push ups, clapping each time he came up. When he finished, he flexed in the mirror and nodded. Yup, he was ready. He’d been waiting a year, probably longer, for this exact moment to come.

With determination, he marched down the hallway and knocked on the door.

“Vanya, open up!”

No answer.

“Vanya!” He frowned and tried the door handle. It clicked open and the door creaked. “Vanya?”

The bedspread had been removed. The desk completely cleared off. Her violin was missing from its usual corner. Diego stepped into the room, “Vanya?”

All traces of her were gone.

He took off down the hallway, “Dad! Dad!” He shouted as he burst into the study.

“Number Two! You know you are not allowed in here except for when called upon!”

“Dad!” Diego said, “Vanya has been taken! All of her stuff is gone and—”

“She has not been taken,” Reginald said gruffly. “Number Seven chose to go on her own. I did not stop her. If she chose not to tell you, that is her own prerogative. I thank you to leave my office at once.”

Diego walked out in a haze. Mom stood outside to greet him. “You heard about Vanya.”

“She chose to leave?”

Mom nodded.

“Why would she do that?”

“I think she was not happy here, Diego.”

How could she not be happy here when _he_ was here? He tried to shake these odd feelings out of him, but loneliness wouldn’t quite leave him. How could he feel like he lost something he never had to begin with? “Okay, Mom, I’m going to go to my r-r-r-”

“Picture the word in your mind, Diego.”  
“Room.”

Mom smiled at him and stroked his hair, “I think that is a good idea. You should rest before dinner.”

“Yeah,” Diego said as he walked in a haze up the stairs. Klaus and Ben sat in the hallway whispering as he came back.

“Crazy that Vanya left, right?” Ben said to him. “When she came to say goodbye to me, I thought she was going to cry.”

Klaus shook his head, “She just gave me this lollipop.”

Diego slammed the door behind him. Under his bed was a box. And in that box were things that he wanted to spend his future doing. He just never imagined doing those things alone.

Rethinking his decision to shut out his siblings, he cracked open the door, “Hey, Klaus, how do you feel about starting a fire?”

“I’m one hundred percent in.”

“Good, come in, I have a box to burn.”

The only thing he took out was the police academy brochure. That he would save. He never imagined her becoming an officer anyway. Just the police wife or girlfriend or best friend. Whatever she wanted to be for the rest of forever. They would have gone away, started a life together away from the prying eyes of their judging family.

“What’s in the box?” Klaus asked.

Diego smiled. “Just some dreams to burn.”

“Excellent,” Ben said.

He’d give it until just before his eighteenth birthday. If Vanya leaving changed nothing with Reginald… he’d leave, too. But he wasn’t following in her footsteps. No, he was bound and determined to forge his own path. He didn’t need her.

As the book caught fire, he thought, he wouldn't want her anymore.


	5. Holding Onto One Another's Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter occurs during episode 4, when Vanya and Allison decide to get coffee. And the flashback occurs when they are 22, so approximately 5 years after Vanya moved out of the house. I'm a bit nervous about it since I've actually been dropping hints about it for the last two chapters. Hope you enjoy!

Allison suggested they meet at one of the swanky bars where the tables could only fit two people and low lighting. Perfect enough for a date night, discreet enough for a movie star. And she didn’t want people to ruin her night with her sister. When she walked in, no one batted an eyelash at the actress.

“You didn’t order your usual scotch,” Allison said and gestured to the vodka tonic Vanya decided on.

Vanya sipped on her drink, “I haven’t drank that in years. Had a bad experience with it.”

Allison lifted an eyebrow. “Worst hangover of your life?” she pried.

“Something like that.”

Vanya’s eyes darted away from hers and she seemed to hunch in on herself. Her face looked tight and withdrawn.

Allison pretended not see Vanya’s whole demeanor change, “I’ve been there. Have you ever had a spicy margarita?”

Vanya shook her head, “No.”

“When I first met Patrick, I had one. Don’t remember much of that night at all. Woke up sleeping on the bathroom floor.” Vanya smiled at the thought, whatever bad memory that had plagued her healed by her sister's story. “Anyway, what we were talking about before we got sidetracked?”

“Leonard.”

“Right, right. Why would he tell you he was going to work and then all of a sudden he was letting himself into your place?”

“To use the bathroom like he said he was?” Vanya said, shifting in her chair.

“Or to creep around. Riffle through your stuff, steal something, jerk off on your Mr. Snuggles teddy bear.” Vanya pulled a face, but Allison trudged on, “Sometimes, men are unredeemable shits.”

“I know,” Vanya said in that resigned way she always did, and looked at the table as she confessed, “I dated a few of them… but I like this one. I know it’s weird, that we’ve only known each other for a few days, but Leonard felt real. Like he saw something in me no one else did.”

Allison’s heart broke at the hope in her sister’s eyes. The lines around her eyes seemed to melt away. When had her sister ever looked this content?

Definitely before the release of the book, before she ever left the academy.

Allison wished she could go back in time and take away all the hurts. She wished she could go back and fix all of it. But time was Five’s domain, not hers. And he seemed really bad at it, if being a 58-year old man in a 13 year-old body was anything to go by.

“God, I haven’t felt like that since I was a kid,” Allison confessed. The tent set up in the greenhouse, the cans of coke, the record player. Since Luther. Luther who now… he wasn’t himself. And it wasn’t the ape blood in his veins that transformed his body. It was his tarnished confidence and refusal to move on in life.

“Luther.”

Allison snorted and said, “Does everyone know?”

“Well, I’m the last person who should speaking for everyone… but I always suspected… you two were so close.”

“Well he’s not speaking to me, either.” Allison said. “Can you imagine us having this conversation when we lived at the academy?”

Vanya shook her head. “No. But, I can’t imagine having this conversation with anyone in our family. We weren’t exactly close growing up.”

“Good thing we still have time,” Allison said. She sipped her drink and took a breath. “I even had a heart to heart with Diego the other night.”

“He has a heart?” Vanya said with a snort. “No, sorry, that was cruel of me.”

Allison smiled ruefully. “His is just a bit more calloused than the others. He always did take things more personally than the others.”

“He’s angry at the book,” Vanya said as she sipped her drink. “He knows how to hold a grudge. I doubt it’s something he’ll be able to forgive me for.”

Allison studied her sister, already petite, but so much smaller at the mention of Diego. Had she really rejected him, as Diego seemed to think she did? Something didn’t add up with what Diego told her last night… because now Allison could remember the last time she saw Vanya look content. And it was whenever she looked at Diego. “I think he has had some trouble forgiving himself for some things that happened in the past. You know, I always thought…” She trailed off. “Never mind.”

“What?” Vanya implored.

“Well… I always thought Diego had a bit of a crush on you.”

Vanya looked stricken. “No.”

“Sorry!” Allison apologized quickly. Her throat closed up. Her sister looked green around the edges. So Diego hadn’t been wrong about his rejection. Feeling the need to fill the silence, she said, “I know he’s had some… animosity towards you, but he’s always worked hard to make sure that you were protected. I remember that time when you accidentally got cut by one of his knives. He beat himself over that one for months—”

“Allison, enough!” Vanya said. The glass in her hands shook.

Allison closed her mouth. There she went again. What did Diego call her? Manipulative. That was one of the adjectives that never came up in Vanya’s book about her. Yet it maybe should have been the most obvious one.

She wanted her two siblings to be happy, but… maybe they had to do that on their own. And not with each other. She didn’t need to know all of their secrets, just like she kept some about Luther locked inside.

“Sorry,” Allison said again. This time she meant it.

An awkward silence fell between them as they nursed their drinks. Each lost in her own thoughts.

“Something happened years ago,” Vanya said with her eyes screwed shut. “And… he just... he... he didn't want me.”

Allisons eyebrows rose almost to her hairline. “Really? Are you sure? Did you... y'know? Like him?”

  
“I love him… uh, loved him.” Vanya said, still not able to look at her sister as she confessed it. “He just… he didn’t feel the same.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Allison asked quietly.

Vanya shook ahead. “I’d rather hear about your life. The last time I saw you was Ben’s memorial. I’m sure tons has happened in eight years.”

Allison smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Let me show you a picture of Claire. I’d love for you to meet her someday. I know she’d love her Aunt Vanya—”

Vanya wasn’t really listening, but she looked at the picture and cooed like a good aunt would. Her mind, against her own will, was focused on the one memory she tried to bury deep.

The first anniversary of Ben’s death hit them hard. After Vanya moved out, her other siblings slowly followed suit. Allison moved west to rumor herself into an acting career, while Diego basically disappeared. Klaus remained at the mansion, but opted out of missions by hiding, claiming to be too indisposed (aka high).

In a last ditch effort to reassemble the team, Luther had attempted to get them to gather at the academy for the memorial service. That plan had failed.

“Diego won’t come to the mansion,” Luther had said over the phone. “You are more than welcome to come and stay. Dad’s locked up in his study, so I’m not sure he’ll…”

Vanya waited.

“I’m not sure he’ll come out for any sort of service we have. He’s been distraught since you all left.”

“I’m sure he’s real torn up about me leaving,” Vanya murmured. He never tried to contact her. Not once.

Luther didn’t respond.

“I’m not stepping a foot in the mansion,” she told him. “Where did Diego want to meet?”

And that’s how she found herself in a bar with dim lighting and The Strokes pulsing through the air. Luther said they managed to grab booth in the back of the bar, but she needed a drink before she reunited with the fam.

She pulled at the skirt she borrowed from her neighbor. It didn’t fit quite right—slightly too tight in the waist, but hit her at an awkward spot on her thigh. Normally she would have gone for dress pants, but she wanted to show her siblings that she was different now. She wasn’t the seventeen-year-old Vanya who left like a mess. Somehow, she felt worse.

“Scotch,” she shouted at the bartender who seemed hellbent on ignoring her. “No ice.”

He nodded and started sorting out her drink.

“Knew I heard my favorite scotch drinker over here.”

Vanya turned around. “Klaus!” she said.

Her brother threw a skinny arm around her. “Strongest thing you’ve got,” he told the bartender, who finally seemed to be paying attention… to Klaus’s bare chest under a velvet jacket. “She’s buying.”

“I never said that,” Vanya said with no real bite.

  
“Oh, come on sis, for old time’s sake,” Klaus said as he pet her head.

“I’m not a cat,” she muttered as she shooed his hand away and gave her card to the bartender. She had a bad feeling this was going to be a very expensive evening for her, especially with the way Klaus looked at the bottles behind the bar.

After the bartender gave him his drink, he wrapped an arm around Vanya’s waist. “Come on, the family is all in the back. Just as chipper as ever.”

If there was something more intimidating than the Hargreeves all gathered together in public, Vanya didn’t know what was. None smiled. Luther looked particularly put out by his siblings. A few beer bottles littered the table. Diego had the glassy-eyed look of someone already a few drinks in.

“Who died at this table?” Klaus said as he flung himself in a seat. “Well, you know what I mean.”

“That was in poor taste,” Luther said.

  
But Klaus was looking over Luther’s shoulder with a tinge of smile. “ _I_ think Ben doesn’t care.”

Vanya looked sharply at him, but he had the straw in his mouth as he slurped up his drinks. He looked at them wide-eyed and cluelessly. A regular Bambi.

“Well,” Luther said, “This isn’t exactly the venue I would have chosen for something like this—”

“ _I_ think Ben would have loved it,” Klaus interjects.

“ _I_ think Klaus is as high as a kite,” Allison whispered in her ear from her left. Vanya nodded in agreement. Across the table, Diego watched him with narrowed eyes.

“Anyway,” Luther said over him. “This is a night dedicated to our friend, our brother, our loved one. I thought that it would be proper if we could say a few words now that everyone is here.”“Toast!” Klaus shouted. “We should toast his memory.”

“I like the sound of that,” Diego said as he lifted his bottle to his lips and took a swig.

Klaus pouted. “You can’t drink before the toast. It defeats the whole purpose.”

“Says the guy guzzling up a cocktail through a bendy straw," Diego said.

“Point taken, sir.”

“Will you two, just,” Luther sighed and muttered something about deranged siblings under his breath. “Okay, fine, would anyone like to go first?”

All stared at him.

Luther ran a hand over his long face. “Okay, I will go first. To me, I’ll always remember Ben as the good one among us. He… he never wanted to be in the fight but he also never wanted to leave us alone. He would do anything for any one of us. I miss him every day.”

He swallowed and went silent.

“To Ben,” he said finally.

“To Ben,” they all echoed with their drinks in the air. Instead of taking a sip, they tipped their glasses back and drank.

“Round two is on me,” Luther said as he hastily got up from the table.  
No one spoke until he got back with a tray filled with drinks.

“This is way more than a round two, man,” Diego said.

Luther sat down with a shrug, “Figured we would be needing more anyway.”

“I’ll go next,” Klaus said. “Ben was my first friend. When I lit fires, he was right there with me, trying to put them out. When I needed someone to talk to, he was the ear to listen. He never judged me. Not once. Ben, you’ll always be with me.”

He winced and lifted a new cocktail in the air, “To Ben!”

“To Ben,” they answered. The men downed their drinks, while the girls sipped this time.

A brief period of silence descended on them before Vanya cleared her throat. “Ben was… he was Ben. His nose was always in a book, he had dreams bigger than his body, he had a smile that could light up a room. I miss the light that was his life, the way when he got back from a mission, he would always stop by my room to tell me how it went.” Tears filled her eyes and her voice began to quaver. “To Ben!”

“To Ben!”

Diego tapped his fingers along the table to a beat only he could hear. “Who would have thought in our younger days that Ben would be the one to rock a leather jacket better than anyone I have ever met? He was the sweetest of all of us, the one who should have left the academy first. He never wanted to go on missions or to have his great power, he only wanted to be with his family. I think he’d be happy to see us begin something new, branching out of our broken childhoods. To Ben!”

  
“To Ben,” they murmured.

  
Luther looked murderous. Still at the mansion because he wanted to be. Allison rested a hand on Luther's thigh. _Leave it alone_ , it seemed to say.

“We will all miss Ben in a way that wounds our souls,” Allison said. “He was the one who watched me perform one act plays in my room and told me that I should be an actress. I didn’t have to rumor him or anything to make him stay or enjoy them. I think the thing I will miss the most about Ben, the thing I have missed the most about Ben, is how he saw us not just as we were, but as we could be. When we hurt, he hurt. When we were overjoyed, he rejoiced with us. His zest for life to be lived will never leave me. To Ben!”

“To Ben!”

A silence fell among them as they thought of their fallen brother.

“Maybe—maybe we could also say a few words about Five?” Vanya said. “He’s been gone for ten years now, but we’ve never said anything about him.”

“That sounds—” Allison started with a smile.

“Always have to make it about Five,” Diego cut her off.

A snarl ripped at his mouth as he stared Vanya down and took another swig of beer.

“What?”

“This is supposed to be a night about Ben, and yet here you go again, bringing up Five. Ben’s been gone for one year and you couldn’t just give him one night of his own.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Vanya said as she shrank back into her chair.

“Diego!” Allison said. “Leave her alone. I think it was a good idea, Vanya. Maybe we can hold a memorial for Five.”

The rest of the siblings looked between the triad pensively.

Vanya wished she had never said a word. Ben could have his own memorial day, he deserved it. And she didn’t want a memorial for Five. For all they knew, he could still be out there, wandering the globe. He just figured out when to leave earlier than the rest of them.

She couldn’t bring herself to meet any of the others’ eyes. She just nursed her drink close to her and stared at the indentations on the table as they made stilted conversation around her.

“I should leave the house,” Klaus declared suddenly, breaking the awkwardness that descended over them all by slamming down his drink and lighting a cigarette. “Ben never want to stay. Besides, everyone seems to be having so much more fun in the real world. The academy is miserable.”

“What are you talking about?” Vanya asked, stopping her close examination of the table.

Allison just rolled her eyes, “You know you’d have to get a job, Klaus.”

He nodded his head emphatically. “Yes, but I could also get laid.”

“W-w-w-what?” Luther spluttered.

“Is that something that comes with moving out? Move out, get laid?” Allison asked, sweeping her long hair behind her shoulder.

Vanya took a long swig of her drink. She’d rather be anywhere than listening to this conversation. Diego looked like he felt the same, if the way he was eyeing his drink and studiously avoiding looking at Klaus was anything to go by.

“I don’t know Miss Allison,” Klaus said, wiggling a finger at her. “I see you all the time in the tabloids, on the arm of an utterly gorgeous man. And,” he paused. “And when I came in, Diego was getting some hot girl’s number. One of the waitresses. Hand on the leg, whole nine yards. Didn’t know you had it in you, bro.”

“Well I do, _bro_ ,” Diego said, though he frowned as Klaus lifted one hand to fist bump him. He ignored him.

Vanya froze.

Everyone kept talking around her, teasing each other, and she couldn’t bring herself to look at anyone. She attempted to finish her drink but realized it was gone.

“I’m going to get more,” she said. “Anyone want another?”

No one answered as they grew too invested in commenting on Klaus’ sex life or lack thereof.

She scooted back from the table, shoved her way through the crowd, and tried to get the attention of the bartender. She studiously ignored the feeling of eyes watching her entire trek.

Fear gripped her that if she looked back, she would see that no one noticed she left. Or, even greater a fear, she would see that someone did.

After a few minutes, she managed to get her drink. The place was pretty popular. Lots of people mingling with each other, flirting, talking. She could do that. The man next to her sported a jacket and tie. All she had to do was say something. Anything.

She opened her mouth and abruptly closed it.

No, no, she could never bring herself to strike up a conversation with a random man in a bar. Particularly one in a sports coat. And his hair was so blonde, and his eyes far too blue.  
Nursing her drink, she started back to the table before changing her trajectory.

In the hall near the bathrooms, there was a doorway with no door attached. A red ribbon blocked people from entering the construction zone. Some half-finished booths, a pool table, but no people in sight. Only the dull throb of music and murmur of voices could be heard.

She hopped over the red ribbon. Some scotch spilt onto her hand. She licked it up as she headed to the pool table and climbed onto it.

This seemed more like her style of daring. Sitting on a pool table rather than playing it. Looking at men rather than talking to them. She watched people pass by the doorway on the way to the bathroom as she sipped her scotch. None looked into the room. Part of her wondered if she was cursed never to be noticed by anyone.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Diego stumbled past the doorway.

He paused and saw her. “Found you.”

Vanya’s lips quirked up. “Didn't realize you were looking.”

He tripped over the red ribbon blocking the room and tried to lean casually against the wall. He sank a bit in his spot. “Oh, I’m always looking,” he said. Red stained his cheeks. “Everyone’s trying to find you.”

Her eyebrows quirked up as she tried to decipher what he meant. Let it go, she told herself as hope bubbled inside her. This was Diego. He was usually the most literal of all the boys.

“Well, here I am.”

“Here you are,” Diego echoed.

“How much did you have to drink?” Vanya asked.

“Enough to feel numb, but not enough to forget why we’re here.”

In the other part of the bar, she could hear people cheering. A team must have scored. When she turned back to Diego, she found his face mere inches from her own. He was so fast. So close. His eyes darkened and dropped down towards… towards her mouth.

“Don’t you have a waitress to get to?” Vanya huffed.

“What are you talking about?” Diego said breathlessly.

“The one Klaus said—”

“Klaus is an idiot who says stuff to get us riled up.”

His eyes remained firmly planted on her lips. His hands slipped onto her waist, as though anchoring her to the spot.

She ran a tongue over her bottom lip, realizing how dry her mouth felt. His eyes darkened.

“I don’t get why you’re here when you clearly hate me,” Vanya whispered. She felt his breath fanning against her and almost against her will her eyes started to flutter shut.

“That’s the problem. You never get it,” Diego said as he brought her to him roughly.

One moment he looked poised to attack, the next his lips moved hungrily over hers. His hands clutched at the fabric of her shirt as though he were afraid she’d run away. He tasted like cheap beer and every pent-up hope she’d ever had.

After a moment’s hesitation, she wound her arms around his neck. Diego kissed like he went into battle: never giving her a moment of respite. Vanya melted into his touch. She had no idea that this is what a kiss would feel like. Or perhaps this intensity was something purely Diego and no other kiss would ever compare to it.

He nudged his hips between her legs. Vanya moaned as his hands dipped from her waist to her upper thighs, kneading small circles up under her skirt, to the delicate skin at the line of her underwear.

Need pooled in her belly. She wanted him closer, so much closer. He moved his hips slowly against her and it felt like her life was simultaneously falling apart and coming back together. Distantly, she thought nothing could be the same after this. She felt all the hard plans of his body, the softness of his lips, the rough pads of his fingers, the—

With sudden realization of where they were, she shoved him away. Or did he jump away? All the years spent analyzing this question never gave her an answer. Instantly, her body missed the heat of him, the slide of his lips over hers. She crossed her legs and wrapped her arms around herself to conserve every last drop of that warmth.

He looked like a wounded animal.

“Diego—”

“I’m d-d-drunk,” he declared. He looked sobered up enough. “You’re drunk. This was all because we’re drunk. And I’m hurting. And I’m miss-s-s-s-sing Ben. And you’re missing Fiv-v-v-ve. This wasn’t—I would-d-d never have t-t-touched you— Vanya, I’m s-s-s-s-s-s-sorry. I—you—”

He shot down the hallway in a blink, shoving through the crowd.

Vanya lowered her half-raised arm. “Diego—” He just told her— _He would never touched her_. Her face flushed with embarrassment.

_“Diego, I know you would never actually want me. I know this is just your hurt and pain taking action.”_

Diego would never actually want her. She was a fool to think so for that brief moment. She curled her arms tightly around herself and let herself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this flashback is actually the first thing I wrote... and kept having to rewrite as I went back to the beginning. It was a lot of fun to write and hopefully a lot of fun to read, in that angsty way that nearly every chapter has been so far. I call this one the height of miscommunication, although there's way more to come.
> 
> I'm also very thankful for all kudos/subscribers/bookmarkers! And of course those of you who have been super encouraging in the comments section! You guys rock and make my day with your insights (and tips) on the story! Writing an odd ship can be a bit daunting because you never know if people will read what you're writing, so I feel #blessed by all of you! Now, enough of me being mushy. I'll leave the rest of it for the story.


	6. Trying To Get Away Into the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while to get this one out compared to the other chapters. I had most of it written, and then realized I had to rewrite most of the dialogue to achieve what I want in the chapters after this. Enjoy!
> 
> This chapter occurs in Episode 4. It imagines a space after Eudora called Diego and before Diego gets the message of the call.

The flowers were a nice touch. An eerie feeling still lingered over Allison as she realized he must have brought them when he came to use the bathroom and chose to put them in her sister’s bedroom. Vanya liked him, But Allison felt wary.

 

Half the night was spent with Vanya looking lost and distant. As her sister disappeared into the bathroom, Allison made an executive decision. She was done with her siblings and their middle school mellow drama. It was going to end now.

 

She picked up Vanya’s phone and dialed a number.

 

“Hello,” a gruff voice shouted on the other line.

 

“Hello, I’m looking for Diego Hargreeves.”

 

“You the lady who called earlier? Who’s talking?”

 

“His sister.”

 

“Well, you’re in luck, sister. He just walked in. Diego! Hey Diego! Phone!”

 

A brief period of silence before. “Hello?”

“Hey, this is Allison.”

 

“Hey,” Diego said. “Luther and I just found one very drunk Five. We’re going to put him to bed, so make whatever you need quick.”

 

Of course Five would put a slight jinx in her plan. Allison groaned and said, “I’m so sorry to ask this. Especially when you’re busy. But, I’m at Vanya’s apartment. I had a few too many drinks. Could you pick me up?”

 

“Call a taxi.”

 

“I tried. It’s a Friday night and they are all booked up.”

 

Diego groaned on the other side of the line. The image of him wiping a hand over his forehead popped into her mind. People yelling in the background filled the silence as he thought it over. “Fine, yeah, I can come pick you up. Hey Luther! Take Five to my room. I’ll be right back.”

 

Luther mumbled something in answer.

 

“Do you know where Vanya lives?” Allison asked.

 

A beat of silence.

  
“Yeah, I know.”

 

“Okay, thanks. I really appreciate it.”  
  
The line went dead. Allison smiled.

 

“Hey,” Vanya said as she walked back in the room. Her eyes zeroed in on the phone. “What’s up?”

 

“Nothing,” Allison said. “I just called a cab to come pick me up.”

 

“You didn’t have to do that. You could have stayed here.”

 

Allison smiled and shook her head. “Thanks. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. But Claire’s calling me in the morning. I need to be home for that.”

 

Vanya nodded. “I understand.”

 

A horn honked outside. “That must be my ride.”

 

“I’ll see you,” Vanya said as she walked Allison to the door.

 

Outside laid freedom from this whole sticky situation. Inside stood Vanya with her wide, sad doe-eyes. Allison looked at her sister and said, “I appreciate you more than you know. Everyone does. And I think you deserve way more happiness than you let yourself have. Good luck!”

 

“Uh, thanks?” Vanya said as her sister spun out the door and jogged towards her cab. She locked the door behind her and decided her sister was crazy.

 

Or perhaps she was coming around to the idea of Leonard. The thought warmed her.

 

Inside the cab, Allison gave the cab driver directions to the academy. She leaned her head back against the headrest and sent up a prayer. May her sister find happiness.

 

It wasn’t until she had thrown on her ratty striped pajama top and matching bottom and brushed her teeth that Vanya heard a knock at the door.

 

Her clock blared 11:17 in red letters. No one came knocking at this hour. At least no one worth opening a door to. Vanya slipped out of bed and quietly plodded down the hallway. Call it paranoia, but she would rather if people didn’t know she was home. Especially if she didn’t know who they were.

 

She pressed one eye to the eye hole. A profile of cropped hair and a side scar greeted her. His head turned and eyes flickered towards the hole. She gasped.

 

Three more distinct pounds on the doorway. “Open up, Allison” he called. “It’s late. I’ve got things to do.”

 

Vanya made quick work of the bolts and swung the door open.

 

Soft light from her fireplace flooded the cramped hallway. Diego blinked and stared.

 

“Allison went home about an hour ago,” Vanya told him.

 

He shook himself out of whatever reverie held him. “What?” he said dumbly.

 

Vanya sighed and motioned for him to come in. After a moment’s hesitation, he crossed the threshold to her apartment.

 

“She called and asked me for a ride. Said she couldn’t get a cab for the life of her,” Diego explained. His words came out halted and awkward.

 

“Are you sure it was Allison?” Vanya asked. The door closed firmly behind her. She bolted it just to be safe. One never knew who was out there these days.

 

Diego quirked an eyebrow. “Yes. And she said she was here.”

 

His eyes skittered across her apartment and she felt highly aware of its disarray. A blanket draped haphazardly on the back of her couch. Musical scores littered the floor. The licking of the flames in the fireplace made the entire scape glow. Her bookshelf filled mostly with musical tomes, but also the odd novel or two.

 

“So this is where you live,” Diego said quietly. With her heart in her throat, Diego took the parameter of her living room, slowly taking in the paintings on her walls and the shredded wallpaper. “This is the first time I’ve seen it.”

 

“I’m surprised you knew where I lived,” Vanya said. “Did Allison give you directions?”

 

The flames of the fireplace licked up in a sudden heat. Shadows danced over Diego’s face. “No. I try to keep up with where all of you are.”

 

He stopped at her bookshelf. With a start, she realized this was the first time they’d been alone since the incident. The thought gave her no comfort. “Why do you think Allison called you and left?” she asked.

 

A particularly dusty book caught his eye. Her book. She started forward to jerk it away, then edged back. He’d already read it. there was nothing more she could do about it. “Who knows with Allison? When she gets an idea in her head, she just runs with it.”

 

Nothing made sense to her yet. A stranger would say Diego looked perfectly at ease. His face looked relaxed, his posture open. But, small lines formed at between his eyebrows. His legs stood a bit too straight, his back too tall. Like a tiger ready to pounce on its prey. Just waiting.

 

“So you keep a copy of this crap on your own bookshelf? Pretty egotistic.”

 

Vanya flushed.

 

He flipped through the pages. Sprinkles of dust floated into the air. He ran a finger over a page and laughed. _“Reginald Hargreeves spun a strange web over the children, used their vices to achieve his own needs. His hold laid particularly strong on Number Two. If he said jump, Diego jumped twice. Thrice, if Number One jumped twice. If Reginald asked Number One to save the world, it was a sure bet that Number Two would be lurking behind, ready to take his shot.”_

 

“Stop it!” Vanya said. The room seemed to shake. She crossed her arms around her chest and planted her feet apart. “I don’t know why you’re still here. It’s getting late. I’d rather go to bed than stand here listening to you take stabs at me.”

 

“If the incident with Ben broke up the team, then you were the one to put the nail in the coffin,” Diego ignored her. “You spent your whole life wanting to be seen by the world. So, how does it feel outing your family as crummy? Finally feel visible?”

 

He took a step forward. She took one back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

Diego scoffed. “There it is. The damn innocent act. Stop pretending you haven’t felt invisible your whole life. It’s written all over your entire life. It’s in the way you walk and talk and just manage to get by every day. And then you actually wrote it down for the whole world.”

He advanced on her now with catlike grace. Vanya felt herself stumble back, determined to put the couch between them. “Here’s the thing, though. The people you wrote about. They weren’t real. You wrote these made-up versions in the book to soothe yourself at night. Probably convinced yourself that this book tells the whole truth of your childhood. The lost one. The forgotten one. Completely ordinary.”

 

She wrote the book at a time when she was hurt and angry. After Diego rejected her, after her family never tried to contact her, she felt completely done with them. And now one of the people who pushed her away without even trying came into her home and told her that her experiences were irrelevant and imaginary? Vanya threw her towel into the ring. She’d beat the crap out of him. With her words.

 

“I know more about you than you do,” she snarled.

 

He said, “No, you really don’t. You made childlike observations of people in your book. You knew us in 2D, when really we were in three. Yeah, I’m bitter. Shocker. Hated reading about it, hated that you saw it. But Allison taught me something the other day.”

 

Every nerve in Vanya’s body thrummed. Her fingers felt numb. “What? What did Allison make your realize? I didn’t realize anything could get into that hard head of yours.”

 

“That you really don’t know me. I spent the last six years thinking all that crap was true. But, I had the epiphany that you never knew any of us. We shoved you aside. It’s true. But we did it for the bigger picture: to keep you safe. Everything we did was more dangerous for you. The closer you got to us, the more danger you’d be in. Instead of seeing that, you festered in exclusion.”

 

In moments she came close enough to grab a bunch of Diego’s shirt. She couldn’t decide between shoving him or hauling him closer. “Stop,” she begged quietly.

 

“No,” Diego said. “I’m going to tell you more. I know so much more about you than you ever knew about me. Stuff that didn’t make it into your little tell-all. You play the violin when you feel inadequate and want to escape. Music is the one thing in the world that gives you peace. Yet, music is your private war. Because you think you’ll never be the best.”

 

Vanya gaped at him. Her hands loosened her hold on the material of his shirt. She felt the hard rage coiled inside of her softening. His eyes studied her face as she turned over his words. _You think_ you’ll never be the best, he said. _You think_.

 

“You left the academy in some backward way to prove you weren’t ordinary to Reginald. You pace your room seven times every night. Or you used to. I doubt it’s changed. Every turn you take, you pray for someone in the family. And I’d bet all my money that you still pray for Ben.”

 

“Diego,” Vanya said. A hesitant hand reached out to lace her fingers through his. But the fierceness in his gaze held her back.

 

“You thought we were all just like dad. That we’d all damaged you and saw you as ordinary. It never occurred to you that any of us would ever look at you as anything special. You never thought we would look at you at all.” Diego leaned closer, whispering against the shell of her ear, “I know you call Luther ‘brother.” You call Five ‘brother.” You call Ben and Klaus ‘brothers.’ But all you’ve ever called me is Diego. Why is that Vanya? Finally ready to just admit you hated me. Certainly didn’t think I was worth a goodbye before you left the academy.”

 

His hot breath fanned her neck. She backed up and scanned his face. All the fight left him and now he looked older and more tired than she’d ever seen him. In that moment, she felt herself magnetically pulled towards him. No one had ever seen her like this. She felt raw and exposed. His eyes fluttered shut.

 

As her lips grazed his, she said. “You have never called me sister, either.”

 

He chuckled and the sound vibrated through her. “Of course I didn’t. You’re still not seeing me.”

 

He opened his eyes and the moment fled them. His body swayed away from hers, even as her body chased his heat of its own accord.

 

 _This man would never really want you_ , her mind whispered. _He’s just playing a game. Like the ones he plays with the knives. Which one will cut you the deepest?_

 

The thought steeled her. She moved again to use the couch as a blockade.

 

“I always saw the real you,” she told him.

 

Diego shook his head. “No—”

 

“Do you honestly believe that I could fit our entire family’s history into three hundred and fifty-eight pages? I couldn’t even write all about _you_ in four hundred pages. It’d take an encyclopedia to fill all the details I’ve memorized. I have pieces of you that I’ve stored away, that I keep. How, yeah, you used to stutter, but sometimes you stuttered when you were nervous. Sometimes you stuttered when we sat next to each other. And how my mind would want to leap to the grand hope that _I_ made you nervous.”

 

“Why would you—” A red flush crawled up his neck. She rather liked the way he gaped like a fish at her.

 

Vanya held a hand up. “It’s my turn now. I wrote about your rivalry with Luther, your need for dad’s approval, and your bitterness with purpose. You said the big picture was keeping me safe. My book’s big picture was to show the world that it wasn’t flowers and sunshine at The Umbrella Academy. It was to show the world that it lauded an abusive childhood.”

 

Diego looked torn between wanting to hear more and wanting to high tail it out of her apartment. His feet remained firmly planted in her carpet.

 

She continued, “I didn’t write about how you stayed up with Allison every night for two weeks to help her practice her kicks until they were perfect. Or how you would try to distract dad so Ben could finish his books. Or how sometimes you’d sneak into Klaus’ room to hold his hand when the nightmares got the better of him. And I certainly didn’t write about how after your knife hurt me, you would sneak me a cookie and put it on my desk every night. The book I wrote was really you. But it wasn’t all of you. It wasn’t even a small part of you. These things, where you are kind and loyal and strong, those are the ones I’m going to keep to myself forever.”

 

Her voice steadily got louder through the speech, but all energy left her after the last word.

“I’ll apologize for not explaining at all what the book was for. I’m sorry it came across as a personal attack on all of you instead of on the abusive man who masqueraded as a father.”

 

 

Diego gaped at her. “You knew I stayed with Klaus?”

 

Vanya nodded. She felt her face. It was on fire. The way his eyes darkened as he looked at her didn’t extinguish the feeling.

 

“You’re an idiot if you think I didn’t say goodbye because I hated you,” she said quietly. “I would never have left if I tried.”

 

Diego vaulted the couch. One hand snaked around her waist, the other around her shoulders. He pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. “Vanya…”

 

“What?”

 

“Not a single time when we were growing up did I think of you as a sister.”

"Interesting," she said breathlessly. "I've never thought of you as my brother."

 

His lips were on hers. Their first kiss was defined by hunger. This time, he moved slower, like he had all the time in the world to meld their mouths together. She threw her arms around his neck with slightly too much force. He stumbled into the couch. She bit his lip. They broke apart.

 

Diego brought a hand to his mouth. “Kinky. Didn’t know you liked to draw blood.”  
  
“I’m sorry! You tripped!”

 

He laughed and drew her back to him. She sighed into his mouth. They could do this all night she thought as his strong arms circled around her. “Diego!” she said breathlessly as he suddenly gathered her in his arms and walked them through her apartment.

 

He threw her on her bed with an unceremonious thud. He quickly fell beside her.

 

For a moment, he just picked up a single strand of her hair. He moved it through his fingers, examined it closely. His eyes caught hers. He let the strand of hair fall and moved his hand to cup her cheek.

 

Memories of pulling his body impossibly close haunted her. The way he felt, everything.

 

But Vanya broke away. “What are we doing?”

 

“If I have to explain this to you, then I’m not doing a good enough job.”

 

She laughed and hit him lightly. “You didn’t want me eight years ago. Why now?”

 

He stared at her. A flush snaked his way up her neck. She bit her lip and looked away.

 

“Y’know,” she said, “At Ben’s memorial.”

 

“You’re the one who didn’t want me,” Diego frowned.

 

“Pretty sure that’s not true.”

 

Diego reached to lace his fingers through hers. “I came onto you pretty hard that night. And… I don’t think I’ll ever forget how you looked after you pushed me away. Like I’d forced you into that position. You had your arms all wrapped around you and looked scared as hell. I was pretty disgusted with myself. I couldn’t stand the thought of me for a while after that.”

 

Vanya’s stare turned into one of wonder, “Seriously?”

 

Diego nodded.

 

Vanya wanted to laugh in relief. But the vulnerable look on Diego’s face caught it in her throat. She finally got it. She only wished she had said something much earlier.

 

“I’ve… _wanted_ you since we were sixteen years old,” Vanya said gravely. “That night, I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared of getting caught before we’d even had a chance to try. Can you imagine what Luther or Klaus would have said? When you ran, I figured you were just drunk and I was the closest warm body.”

 

Diego captured her mouth in a sweet kiss. “While I do so like your warm body,” She swatted at him again and he laughed, “You were never just that to me that night. Never could be just that.”

 

“No?”

Diego smiled, “No.”

 

He brought her arm to his mouth and kissed the inside of her wrist. Warmth spread in her belly.

 

“Do go on,” Vanya said, hitting him with her shoulder.

 

He glanced at the clock. “I would. I want to stay here with you more than anything. There's a lot we need to talk about." He fiddled with the collar of her nightshirt. "And maybe not just talk. But Luther and Five need me. Five got… roaring drunk. Think he’s hurting pretty bad. I’d like to be there for him when he wakes up.”

 

Five's exchange with her the other day sprang to her mind. Whatever time traveling her brother did messed with his mind. Vanya asked, "Do you want me to come?"

 

Diego shook his head. "I think this is a bro thing. Let's get dinner tomorrow."

 

“I’d like that.”

 

Vanya followed Diego’s heels to her door. After a final kiss, she locked the door behind her and smiled. So this was what it felt like to have your imagination become reality, Vanya thought. Just better.


	7. And Then You Put Your Arms Around Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't had a chance to sit down at my computer to write or get online recently. Life's been pretty crazy recently. Hope you enjoy this chapter! This one occurs in Episode 5, post-Eudora. I took some liberties with rewriting the scene between Vanya and Allison at Vanya's house.

She woke with a delicious feeling of satisfaction. Memories of the previous night thrummed through her mind. Diego’s strong arms wrapped around her, his lips on hers. The earnestness of his face as he confessed to wanting her. So much time was lost because of a misunderstanding years ago. They had much time to make up for.

 

With a newfound clarity, she rolled out of bed before her alarm blared and padded into the kitchen.

 

Sunlight streamed through her apartment. She poured a glass of water and sat at her table and frowned. Leonard’s flowers stared back at her. No one had ever given her flowers before. She reached out and touched a silky petal.

 

It was nice to feel thought of. But, Leonard was just a guy she met a few days ago. They hadn’t been out on more than a handful of dates. Diego… Diego was the man she’d been in love with for fourteen years. And now he… she paused in her thoughts, contemplating what Diego felt for her. He wanted her back. That was good enough for now, she thought.

 

Best not to put off the inevitable, she thought, and went to get her phone. The answering machine beside it blared red with one new message. She picked up the receiver and pressed play.

 

“ _Vanya_ ,” the familiar, soothing voice said. Warmth spread to her toes. “ _Listen… I… this is going to be hard to explain. My friend was just…_ ” he seemed to groan and move away from his phone then back to it. “ _This really, it’s just not a good time for me right now. To be st-starting something with you. Those guys from the other…”_ He groaned again and cursed under his breath. _“It’s not safe for you to be with me right now. I’m sorry. We just can’t.”_ She heard a voice in the background. It sounded like Klaus. Or Five. Luther? With more resolve, he said, “ _We can’t be together right now. I can’t talk. I’ve got to go._ ”

 

The message beeped. She hung up the phone and pressed her back against the wall.

 

Breath in. Breath out. Her heart shattered within her.

 

 _We can’t be together_.

 

Last night, he had said that he’d never seen her as a sister, that he liked her body, and told her a bunch of observations. They all ran through her head, none of them sticking out like a sore thumb. He wanted her. She knew that much.

 

But, she thought, you could want someone without actually having feelings for them. He never said he loved her. There she was, baring her heart to him, and all she knew was that eight years ago he was indeed hitting on _her_ in a bar. However much he wanted her, he didn’t actually have _feelings_ for her. That he was careful not to admit to.

 

She closed her eyes. The room seemed to warp around her for a moment, then everything stopped.

 

Dumb, she thought. She was dumb for assuming she meant anything real to Diego. He couldn’t even explain himself over the phone.

 

She picked up the phone and dialed.

 

“Hello,” came a sleepy voice.

 

“Leonard,” Vanya said. “This is me. Vanya. I was wondering if we’re still on for breakfast.”

 

“Yeah…” he said, voice waking up more. “Yeah. Of course. Is everything okay?”

 

“Great,” Vanya said, avoiding the question. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

Leonard yawned, “See you then, Vanya.”

 

She hung up the phone with a sense of finality. She marched into her bathroom and rummaged through her medicine cabinet until she found what she was looking for: a slightly caky foundation and a cracked blush. She was sure there was mascara somewhere in there, perhaps even an eyeshadow from the days of thinking she could get noticed by someone.

 

Each drop of makeup felt like warpaint being slathered on her skin. When she finished and looked in the mirror, she was still the same, but somehow more. A mask to wear today as she tried to convince herself that Leonard was the better option for her. It couldn’t be too hard, right? Before seeing Diego a few days ago, it would have been downright easy.

 

The doorbell rang as she exited the bathroom. Allison stood on the other side of the door, bearing a grin, two coffees, and a bag with her favorite bakery label.

 

“Hey,” Vanya said as she whipped on her scarf.

 

“Morning!” Allison said as she strode into the room. “Nice scarf! Are you wearing makeup?”

 

“Just a little.” Vanya said as she went through a few cupboards in her kitchen. “Damn. I ran out of my meds yesterday. I usually keep a refill around.”

 

Allison frowned. This wasn’t how she imagined this particular morning going so far, “I brought you a surprise! Bomboloni, just like when we were kids.”

 

Vanya smiled and accepted the coffee with relish. “That is so sweet, but I’m going to save it. I’m meeting Leonard for breakfast.”

 

“Flowers yesterday, brunch this morning. You’re really jumping in with both feet.”

 

“What’s wrong with that?” Vanya scoffed.

 

She knew a guy for years, yet he still had the ability to break her heart over and over. Why not go for a guy she didn’t know as well?

 

“How well do you know him?” Allison asked.

 

“Well enough to get breakfast with him!”

 

“I have a bad feeling about him,” Allison said. “Besides, I don’t think he’s right for you.”

 

“You don’t think he’s right for me?” Vanya asked with a raised brow.

 

Allison shook her head. “Not at all.”

 

“And just who do you think is right for me?”

 

Allison couldn’t meet her sister’s pointed stare. It hit Vanya all at once. The reason Diego came to her house in the first place was because Allison _called_ him to pick her up. After she had drunkenly confessed some feelings to her earlier. Rage boiled under her skin.

 

“Diego. You think Diego is right for me,” Vanya said.

 

Allison nodded.

Vanya rubbed her temples, “I can’t do this right now. I haven’t seen you in twelve years and all of a sudden, you know whose perfect for me. Guess what? Leonard is perfectly charming, perfectly thoughtful. Perfect.”

 

“And perfect often isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Sometimes, when you get perfect, you realize that's not what you were looking for at all,” Allison said. "Diego's not _perfect_ for you. But I think he's best for you and that's so much more. So what happened last night?"

 

Vanya glared at her, “Diego is Diego. He’s… he’s here one minute, then completely cutting me out of his life the next. And.. and…” Vanya paced through her room. “And it was great, having him here, talking to him, being in his presence again. But guess what?”

 

Allison’s eyes followed her to her answering machine where Vanya pressed play. Diego’s stilted message filled the silence between them. Allison’s face passed from delight to distraught in a matter of seconds. Vanya stared at her sister, daring her to argue with her again about Diego’s rightness in her life.

 

“I want someone,” Vanya said, “Who means it when they say they want me.”

 

And with that, she stormed out the door, leaving a bewildered Allison in her wake. “I hand you the girl of your dreams on a silver platter and you still manage to mess it up,” Allison said to the air.

 

She sipped her coffee and hoped Vanya changed her mind.

 

They had just turned sixteen years old when Vanya found Diego parked in front of the academy, sitting on the hood a beat up old car. The fall air felt crisp as she wrapped her light jacket around herself.

 

“What’s this?” she asked.

 

Diego shrugged, “A birthday present for myself.”

 

She continued to look at him expectantly until he sighed and scooted over. She hopped up next to him and leaned back. A few golden leaves fell from the trees lining the street.

 

“Couldn’t afford a slightly better car?” she asked. One of the headlights looked as though it would fall off on a moments notice. A glance through the front window revealed it lacked a rearview mirror.

 

“Amazingly enough, dad doesn’t pay us to do our missions,” he answered drily.

 

“So you got all of this with your allowance?”

 

He nodded. "I've been saving up."

 

Vanya studied him as he studied the street in front of them. Sometime in the last year, Diego had begun to change. He was still brash and prone to arguments with Luther. But he also started cropping his hair shorter, said it was good for agility. In a race to outdo Luther, he spent more time in the gym, bulking up his body. Where she once towered over him, he now rose far above her. His face lost its boyish charm and was sinking into something slightly more electrifying.

 

Lately, whenever she looked at Diego her stomach would fill with butterflies and her hands would sweat. She wasn’t dumb enough not to know it was a crush. She spent more than enough time listening to Allison prattle on about her own crushes not to know her own affliction.

 

Perhaps she needed to get out and be around more boys her age. In her heart of hearts, she knew that that wouldn’t solve this problem. While Allison talked about actors she didn’t know, Vanya knew Diego so well. She knew that gum chomping annoyed him and he was slightly afraid of water. She knew how he smiled when mom made his favorite breakfast and she saw him cry once when they snuck out all together to watch Pearl Harbor.

 

“So what’s your plan for the car?” she asked. “We don’t need to drive anywhere.”

 

Diego leaned back onto the windshield. After a moment’s hesitation, Vanya joined him.

 

“I’m going to get out of here,” he confessed. “As soon as possible. I’m tired of being stuck in a mansion with only eight people for company. There’s got to be so much more out there than this.”

 

“Where do you want to go?” Vanya asked.

 

“Anywhere. Everywhere. I want to go to the Grand Canyon and camp. I want to swim in the ocean. Maybe go north, up into Canada to see the mountains. Think about, Vanya. There’s so much world out there. And the only time we get to see it is for training and missions.”

 

Vanya said, “I do think about it. So you want to leave all of us?”

 

She could feel his head turn to look at her, but she stared resolutely at the clear blue sky.

 

“No. I don’t want to leave all of you. But, we’ve got to grow up eventually. And that’s what people do when they grow up, they move out.” He paused, “Besides, Dad is… being particularly overbearing.”

 

Vanya internally agreed. For the last few months, Reginald put everyone through an insane amount of training. He even put Diego in a room where knives would fly at him to see if he could control their trajectory. If any of his new scars were anything to go by, he couldn’t.

 

“So what do you want to do when you get out there?”

 

“I’ve—I’ve been thinking about joining the police academy,” he said. “Despite all this shit that we’re being put through and the crazy missions, I do think that I have a passion for justice. I thought about the army for a while because of my skills, but… I think that I would like to help those here directly. So many injustices are happening every day.”

 

“I could see you do that,” Vanya said.

 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She could imagine him in uniform, helping people out. Although, she imagined he’d be more S.W.A.T. appropriate than friendly neighborhood police officer. “What else?”

 

He shrugged. Heat creeped up his neck. “Figured I’d do some normal stuff for a change. Get a dog, maybe an apartment somewhere. I don’t need anything too nice. Just enough to live. Have a girlfriend or get married.”

 

“Huh,” Vanya said. “Never knew you thought of… romance.”

 

Diego’s face burned. Vanya was sure it was the sun bearing down on him. She thought to mention putting on sunscreen, but Diego was always trying to be manly and would ignore her suggestion anyway.

 

“I think about it a lot,” he mumbled.

 

Vanya turned onto her side to face him. The windshield wiper dug into the skin of her side, but she remained resolute in her pose.

 

“Is there someone you’re interested in?” she asked. Now that she had Diego in a heart-to-heart she wasn’t going to let it go so easily. This was a rare day for her.

 

“W-what?” Diego asked with wide eyes.

 

Vanya shrugged. “Allison has all of her posters. Ben spends a majority of his time watching old episodes of Baywatch. Luther is…” she trailed off. “You just said you spend a lot of time thinking about romance. But I’ve never seen you pay attention to a girl. Do you—do you like girls?”

 

“Y-yes!” Diego yelped. “I very much am interested in girls! Only girls! And you didn’t say anything about Klaus.”

 

“He shares similar celebrity interests as Allison,” Vanya said with a shrug. “I know who he finds particularly dreamy.”

 

“D-dreamy?” Diego croaked.

 

Vanya nodded. “So?”

 

“Yeah,” he said. “I lo… there's a girl.”

 

“Who?” Vanya demanded as her heart plummeted. Maybe she didn’t want Diego to be so open with her. Especially since she found _him_ particularly dreamy.

 

He looked affronted. “That’s personal!”

 

“You can tell me. Where did you meet her? When? How?”

 

Diego smiled at her, a true smile, “What about you? Are you… interested in anyone?”

 

“Uh… I mean, uh,” Vanya’s face burned. She didn’t like the tables being turned on her. She flipped onto her back so she wouldn’t have to face him. “I guess Heath Ledger is kind of cute?”

 

“Ah… so that’s what you like. Actors and other untouchable people.”

 

“No!” Vanya grumbled. “Well, I don’t really like actors.” She looked at Diego out of the corner of her eye, “Untouchable people, maybe. So this girl, when did you get a crush on her?”

 

“Crush?” Diego scoffed. “I don’t have a _crush_.”

 

“I thought you said you liked her!”

 

“Yeah, but being in love doesn’t count as a crush!”

 

Vanya gaped at him, “You’re in _love_. _You_?”

 

Diego swatted at her. “Hey. I’m capable of feelings.”

 

“I know, but—but—when do you see her? Do you sneak out? Have you taken her on a date?”

 

Diego studied her with a certain amount of intensity that made her squirm. He did that sometimes. Looked at her like he was trying to unlock the final piece in a puzzle. Usually, he looked away from her as soon as she looked back, but this time he didn’t.

 

“I don’t have to go on a date with her to know I’m in love with her,” Diego said quietly.

 

“Huh.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“It’s just interesting to think of you having deep feelings.”

 

Diego looked away. “I don’t know why you of all people are so surprised.”

 

Vanya didn’t know what that meant, so she ignored it.

 

“So you want to take her with you through all this stuff you have planned for the future?” Vanya asked.

 

Diego nodded. “But if she has different plans, then I’ll stay here with her.” They looked at her for a long moment before Diego looked away. “I just want a chance to be with her.”

 

Vanya looked at him, staring up at the sky, and thought this girl would be crazy not go with him. With dread, she realized that what she had was more than a crush. So, so much more. “I’m sure she feels the same about you.”

 

His lips quirked up. His hand brushed against hers again, their pinkies interlocking. In that moment, Vanya knew she couldn’t stay to watch him leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know many of you saw this coming--I am completely following the plot line of the show, just adding some fun Diego/Vanya-ness. It was pretty hard to write the beginning half of the story, but really fun to write the flashback. I feel like I needed to give some time between Vanya and Diego to show a bit of why she would come to care for him through their interactions. I've thought about doing some one shots or even a full chapter fic that changes what happens in the season, but don't have a clear idea yet.


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